Just weight

Pictures definitely do not always reflect the image of the mind. More to the point: I am horrified by the way I look in pictures. It isn't the image I have of myself in my mind. It isn't how I feel. But there it is, I'm an apple with legs. Don't get me wrong. I like apples. I just don't want to be one.

The only thin times in my adult life were gotten with perpetual hunger. When I am thin, I think about food constantly, even when I'm admiring my svelte form in the mirror: which I will do quite often because, quite frankly, I don't get to see myself in that form very often, and honestly, I like the way I look when I am thin.

Part of the problem, is working at home. It's just you and the refrigerator. And when the refrigerator is your company, eating isn't far behind. I also eat when I'm stressed and not having any freelance jobs at the moment is a great source of stress. I am a stress eater. I also like to eat when I'm happy. I don't want to eat when I am depressed or angry, though. So I suppose since I'm eating right now I'm in a pretty good emotional place . . . until I look at my pictures. And although I am horrified, I won't get angry or depressed about that. No, better than that, I'm hatching a plan.

I'm going to walk. Yes I know I've said that before. And I have a few times started a walking regimen and stopped out of boredom. NEW PLAN: Do something while you're walking. So I will now be bringing a sketch pad and pencils, and my camera to keep me company. I need to add to my photo albums and do more paintings anyway. And plein air sketching and painting will be something new for me to do. Perhaps once a week I can take a canvas and paints with me. This is exciting. I can't wait. My sneakers are ready to go. Just one small problem. My back went out on Friday night and I've had an intimate knowledge of the hair bunnies on my floors since then.

Oh well . . . there's always tomorrow to start walking. At least today, it's a little harder to get to the refrigerator.